"Now we come to England. England is a small country in the North-West of Europe inhabited at various periods by Mr Hughes and other people of other nationalities, its capital is London, which is a suburb of the town of Brighton.

England is composed of counties - towns - mountains and football clubs, and is governed by the Daily Mail, the principle imports are cheap cigarettes and aliens - exports - language and weather, London possesses a county council which is kept up for the purpose of inventing new rates, the chief river is the Thames which is noted for its barques down the river and its larks up the river, its population is a floating one and everyone calls England a free country, except the taxpayer of course no one notices him, England keeps an open door and consequently most people feel a draught."

CORPORAL WILFRED HAROLD RAMSDEN