"We will first take Africa if they let us - Africa is a large continent extending from Johanesburg to Parklane, first in importance is South-Africa, the principle imports are - whisky and Chinamen - exports diamonds and malaria.

Further north we have Morroco the land of bookbinders also Egypt, famous for its Pyramids and other billiard games, no one is allowed to climb the Pyramids under the penalty of being snookered, the principle exports are Turkish cigarettes and Mummies, Mummies two thousand years old are being manufactured every day.

The chief amusements are - swimming the Nile and thus feeding the Alligators".

CORPORAL WILFRED HAROLD RAMSDEN